A safe place
I took my time in order to chose what I really wanted to talk about .The idea of being on a safe place tormented me a little .There was no way that place could exist and so the idea of safeness or somewhere I could expose my deepest feelings , my foolish frightens or my oldest secrets. After a while a find it, it was me, my own mind .That was the place and it is only my decision to let others in, instead of kipping everything to my self, like if I were wonder woman, because am not( not even close).That’s why I choose this secret of mine to share with all you. I hope no one get scare of worry about it, because I m ok, it’s never coming again .So here the … story. I m kind of nervous of telling it publicly but I believe I not going to regret.
I must admit I did it. I stood in front of the toilet, I grab a toothbrush and I push it into my throat and saw it all come out. It tasted so acid and it hurt anyway I made it again. Of course I knew all the physical and physiological facts of bulimia and until that moment I have always thought of it as the dumbest thing to do but I had been called UGLY several times that day and by one of the persons I cared the most at that time. So I felt that way, I felt it on every single part of my body, and inevitably I HAD TO related to food. You’ll see I had always loved chocolate and my mother always told me I had to eat least because “I had to take care of my body” , but somehow I related what she said that to appearance not to health. So I had enough pressure to fell the way I was felling and to “explore” what I knew could only hurt me .That night, when I went to bed, thousands of things cross my mind and by the next morning I felt everything was ok and made like if nothing had happened. Eventually, some weeks later I told it to one of my friends and I thought I had put it behind of ever. I didn’t some months later I try it again and for some longer time .I knew was I was doing, but the felling of throwing everything away was... special. It hurts, it hurts a lot, and not just physically because every time I did it I know I was digging my own well. I put a stop to it, I m just to self demanding to let my self catalogue as some twisted-weak – none caring person to stay in that dark storm.
I know it’s over now, hopefully I found the right persons to talk with about it and let myself go on enjoying life the way it must be. That ghost its not coming again, I know it wont even dare to. BUT if he does, ill have the support of the most amazing persons of hearth, but I know it’s not.
So that’s my story , and this is the safe place I chose to share it , because , probably , I could not find more safeness anywhere but here , where I am loved and I love back .
jueves, 27 de septiembre de 2007
jueves, 13 de septiembre de 2007
Clair de Lune
here's the link to listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bINSmhssRRs
I know that for this task I was asked to choose a song... But instead I prefer to choose my favorite melody. I have to admit I listen the full version just a moth ago but, since then there’s no second in my life in witch I m not listing to it in my mind and feeling it in every part of my nerves.
This melody is from a French composer, Claude Debussy, here these some information I got from wikipedia to share with you Clair de Lune illustrates Debussy's delicate compositional style. Because Debussy did not rely on key-based melody lines and accompanying harmony, his pieces are lush, impressionistic, and often suggest dreamlike qualities. The tranquil Clair de Lune evokes a peaceful, moonlight night. Achille-Claude Debussy (August 22, 1862 – March 25, 1918) was a French composer. Along with Maurice Ravel he is considered the most prominent figure working within the style commonly referred to as Impressionist music, though he himself intensely disliked the term when applied to his compositions. Debussy was not only among the most important of all French composers but also a central figure in all European music at the turn of the twentieth century. His music virtually defines the transition from late-Romantic music to twentieth century modernist music. In French literary circles, the style of this period was known as Symbolism, a movement that directly inspired Debussy both as a composer and as an active cultural participant.
Im not sure how to describe everything about this melody, the first time I listen to it, I seem more like a melody I would spect to listen at a romantic movie like Pride and Prejudice or Romeo and Juliet ( just to let you know both are my favorites classic novels) but then … when I was in the blue and just to weak to stand all the height of the world and my shoulders I listen to it again and I find a soft but deep suport , as if it was telling me “you’ll be fine , just .. go on” and as I close my eyes every problem sorrunding me desapear ( I mean , of course it ‘s not like they simple vanish !) But I fell so much better.
There’s something so magical about it , it’s like a life soundtrack , it goes up and down , faster , and suddenly slower … and sometimes it surprise you , and that fells so good. You may even fell a little bit spoilted by the melody (if you liked it of course) because you never get tired of it and everytime you can find something new that you haven’t really payed attention before because you were waiting for your favorite part.
But what I love the most about it id the way it makes my skin fell it ,bristling it
, like the most smooth caress from a mother or the sweetest kiss from a lover .
It has so much drama and at the same time so much peace... it has became in my cable to earth and at the same time it raises my up to the sky and make me wonder what it’s like out there and wish for more …
I know that for this task I was asked to choose a song... But instead I prefer to choose my favorite melody. I have to admit I listen the full version just a moth ago but, since then there’s no second in my life in witch I m not listing to it in my mind and feeling it in every part of my nerves.
This melody is from a French composer, Claude Debussy, here these some information I got from wikipedia to share with you Clair de Lune illustrates Debussy's delicate compositional style. Because Debussy did not rely on key-based melody lines and accompanying harmony, his pieces are lush, impressionistic, and often suggest dreamlike qualities. The tranquil Clair de Lune evokes a peaceful, moonlight night. Achille-Claude Debussy (August 22, 1862 – March 25, 1918) was a French composer. Along with Maurice Ravel he is considered the most prominent figure working within the style commonly referred to as Impressionist music, though he himself intensely disliked the term when applied to his compositions. Debussy was not only among the most important of all French composers but also a central figure in all European music at the turn of the twentieth century. His music virtually defines the transition from late-Romantic music to twentieth century modernist music. In French literary circles, the style of this period was known as Symbolism, a movement that directly inspired Debussy both as a composer and as an active cultural participant.
Im not sure how to describe everything about this melody, the first time I listen to it, I seem more like a melody I would spect to listen at a romantic movie like Pride and Prejudice or Romeo and Juliet ( just to let you know both are my favorites classic novels) but then … when I was in the blue and just to weak to stand all the height of the world and my shoulders I listen to it again and I find a soft but deep suport , as if it was telling me “you’ll be fine , just .. go on” and as I close my eyes every problem sorrunding me desapear ( I mean , of course it ‘s not like they simple vanish !) But I fell so much better.
There’s something so magical about it , it’s like a life soundtrack , it goes up and down , faster , and suddenly slower … and sometimes it surprise you , and that fells so good. You may even fell a little bit spoilted by the melody (if you liked it of course) because you never get tired of it and everytime you can find something new that you haven’t really payed attention before because you were waiting for your favorite part.
But what I love the most about it id the way it makes my skin fell it ,bristling it
, like the most smooth caress from a mother or the sweetest kiss from a lover .
It has so much drama and at the same time so much peace... it has became in my cable to earth and at the same time it raises my up to the sky and make me wonder what it’s like out there and wish for more …
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